Monthly Archives: January 2016

Denial Is an Ugly Word

I sat in the parking lot of my pediatrician’s office considering what I had just been told.  I silently started counting off the number of medical devices that have been prescribed to my children:

  1. The dreaded c-pap machine for my son’s sleep apnea.
  2. The nebulizer to treat the twins (and myself) for asthma.
  3. A stethoscope that I acquired after my son’s bout with Respiratory Syncytial Virus (RSV).
  4. An ophthalmoscope – don’t ask how I ended up with one of those.
  5. 3 sets of crutches.
  6. A wheelchair.
  7. A hearing aid to combat my son’s tinnitus.
  8. A blood pressure monitor to keep an eye on my blood pressure.

What is wrong with me?  Why am I not willing to look at the situation for what it is?  I own enough medical equipment to start my own small pediatric practice.  I have medically complex children.  Not one, but two!  And one who has serious mobility issues at times.

I sat there blotting my tears away, and trying to convince myself that marking the box “Permanent Disability” didn’t mean that I was giving something up.  Marking that box would mean accepting a truth that everyone can see, but that I was unwilling to admit to.

After much self-talk, coaxing and cajoling, I eventually resolved myself to checking off that dreaded box.

I unfolded the application for the handicapped parking permit and saw that the pediatrician had already checked off that box.  I silently thanked her and drove to get our new permanent handicapped parking permit.